Please God, please!

God,
I need Doug so much.  I want to share a real life with him.  Please, Lord, can you somehow work it out that he and I can share real life together in a way that glorifies you?  The love he and I have is such a beautiful gift.  How can you not want us to be together?  Maybe you are protecting us from ourselves?  I want to do your will.  I pray, Lord, that it is your will for Doug and I to be together.  I do not want to sin against you.  You knew my heart when I married Dave.  You knew I still loved Doug.  If it is not your will for us together, please give my heart peace with the situation.  I will love him always, you know that, Lord.  Help me to trust You.

I ask these things in Jesus' name.  Amen.

20th Anniversary

Today is the 20th anniversary of the day we met!  20 years!  Where has the time gone?  If you would have asked me then, where I would be today, I couldn't have possibly imagined where I'd be.  If you would have asked me later that week, I would have hoped I'd be with you.  That is still my hope for the future, that someday, somehow, God will work it out so we can be together. To serve Him.

I miss our connection so badly.  I long to look in your eyes.  I'm so sorry I hurt you and that you are so afraid of my love, that you associate it with pain.

I sent you a message on Facebook today about Dave's uncle's Jeep and the panel truck.  I know you don't know the significance of today, but I needed to mark the day and share a tiny bit of it with you.

Dave and Missy are for now.
You and I are forever.

editing:

You read my message and about an hour and a half later you answered!  You are out in the beautiful weather enjoying your Jeep. You said you were out showing a house to someone.  Right before you replied to my message you changed your profile pic to one of your Jeep in front of your Grandfather's machine shop.  Facebook showed that you answered from your phone near Mont Clare, PA.  Soooo cool that you wrote to me "in real time".  You replied back so quickly and while you were out and about!   I love you so much!  Your last line said "Get out and enjoy that Volvo too!" Kinda like you wanted to have a shared experience with me.

I had internet radio on and Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" was on.  I decided to check to see if you had written and you had!  Totally fitting and especially today, "Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart..."

Noooooo

The tearing down of Burrowes started today.  When I first got to work, they had a huge jlg type of lift raised to the 11th floor spraying the side of the building down with water.  I'm assuming this was for dust control.  Your side of the building is where they started (elevator end of the building).  They are using a crane and a some sort of mechanism, which I cannot see at the moment, to apply downward force from the top of the building.  It brings tears to my eyes to see the destruction of the place where our love was born.  The building may die, but our love never will.  It is forever.  I wish you were here with me.

RIP Burrowes Hall 1970 - June 20, 2014

editing:
I looked again to see what was happening.  They are using a wrecking ball.  I watched with tears in my eyes as the ball hit the building and pieces of it fell to the ground.  I remembered that there are webcams  set up for the construction site, so I've been watching and downloading snapshots of the destruction.  Hopefully one day you and I can look at these pictures together.

The destruction of Burrowes

Burrowes has started to be torn down.  The center windows on the elevator side of the building have been removed and wokers are throwing out doors and ceiling tiles into a dumpster below.

I want to watch this destruction with you while holding your hand.  This is where our love started.  It tears me apart to see the place being destroyed.  Nothing can destroy our love, not even us.

I miss you so much.

I'm sitting here on a quiet day at work with tears in my eyes because I miss you so much.  I long to connect with you.  Our connection is a once-in-a-life time one.  It can never happen with anyone else.  I think deep down you know that too.  Why, Lord, are he and I separated?   Lord, can You bring us back together?  Only You can.  Doug and I need a miracle, Jesus, we need YOU!

Also today is the 19 year anniversary of the day we had interaction at the sub meeting and had dinner together with Yeagle and then you came back with me to Hull.  You stood outside the front door leaning back on the wall near the cornerstone.  We talked, you came in to my room with me.  You told me how you sometimes think you are okay with out me, but then something reminds you of me and you can't stop thinking about me.  Is it still the same case today?

I want to have your baby.

So true

“Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires.”

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Cold Winter Day

I miss you and long to be with you! To hear your voice and taste your kiss.