I miss the days when my heart was frozen. It was like it was numb. At times the anesthesia would start to wear off and I'd feel the pain, but then another dose would be applied and I would be okay. Through it all I never stopped loving you. The love has always been there. Love like this can't die. Not a day has gone by when you haven't crossed my mind. You are on my mind constantly now.
I know I can't go back to numbness, because the anesthesia was hurt/anger, unforgiveness, and confusion. Those are gone now and I have been dealing with my true heart since 2009. I sooooooo want to run from everything and try again with you, but you have a life with her now. It would be selfish and unfair for me to interrupt that. I have to trust that God has me where I'm supposed to be. It is just so hard to love you sooooo much and not be able to show you.
Do you ever feel this way?
God, please use this separation for both our good and Your glory. May Doug know the peace of your salvation though a relationship with your Son. Don't let this be for nothing. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
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